I have a confession: I hate it when Darin’s out of town.

It’s not because I miss him; I learned a long time ago that you can’t let missing someone cripple you. It’s because I’m jealous.

He frequently travels for business and while he’s gone I try to enjoy myself. I sleep in the middle of the bed and let the dishes pile up. I stay up past 10 p.m. and fall asleep with the TV on. The kids and I do things we don’t usually do, some of the things we used to do when it was just us. And that’s okay.

But this time, well, it’s been different.

I’m usually jealous that Darin gets a vacation. I’m the typical spouse-left-behind and, yes, I do see it as a vacation. He has a few days of work (manual labor or overseeing it) and then a day or two where he can explore his surroundings; trips to California usually include a visit with his sister, biking around the Bay Area, a trip to Alcatraz. He and his boss, his best friend, visit national parks and have gone camping and hiking.

He has not been the spouse-left-behind, so I don’t think he understands where I’m coming from; that’s fine, because I certainly don’t understand his argument, either.

Today was my tenth straight day of work and I have two more days to go before a three-day weekend (I’m taking Monday off). Most of you are aware I’m a reporter, but my workload has recently increased (and it was already overloaded). In addition to my reporting duties, I serve as web editor without the fancy title or pay increase; I voluntarily manage our website and social media/networking presence. We’ve also been in the midst of a huge project these last few weeks and, as you might imagine, life gets a little more hectic when a project is due. Especially when you’re already working with a bare bones staff. We’re all stressed out and yet more is being asked of us. It’s difficult.

With Darin out of town, the children have had to come with me to work. On Saturday I updated our social networks during breaking news and had to go into town to take a photo of a politician. I worked for five hours on Sunday afternoon when we could have been outside enjoying a glorious day. Monday, they had to come with me while I worked until 8 p.m. Thankfully last night, I wasn’t needed. Tonight I skipped out on updating the website so I could be home for my children; they need me more than the paper does and the company hasn’t managed to give me working serials for my Adobe products, so I can’t open the files at home. It’ll have to wait.

Since last week I have been sick with the cold or flu or sinus infection that’s going around (finally starting to feel better though). Jaiden is having earaches. Jaylen is having stomaches. Jenna won’t shut up to save her life. The big dog won’t come when I call her and has been left outside overnight or during the days while I’m at work. The little dog has had diarrhea. I had to cover for Darin and go to a soccer coaches meeting with three children in tow (though, honestly, I didn’t mind). The chihuahua had to go to the vet for her annual shots and an office visit – she has IBS For Chihuahuas or something. The bills had to be paid. The new washer was delivered and I had issues (different sizes).

Today I overslept and woke up at the very minute we should have been leaving the house. My mornings are different when he’s gone; I have to leave half an hour earlier to take Jenna to her school, then drive 25 minutes in the other direction for work and school for the older two. This morning I opted to put the big dog on the tie-out, so I wouldn’t have to worry about her running all over God’s green earth like she did yesterday because she wouldn’t come inside. Also, I was barefoot and in my PJs. The ground is muddy and covered with prickly gumballs. It was raining. I was not happy and neither was the dog, but it worked out.

In order to get someone on time for something, the older two went to school first, then I drove 25 minutes to Jenna’s school, dropped her off, then drove 18 minutes back to my office. I ate a horrible 100-calorie English muffin for breakfast, but at least the coffee was good.

We were three days behind on the paper, so we had to do Friday, Monday and Tuesday worth of work by 3 p.m. Didn’t happen. It was a crazy, ridiculously busy day. So busy we couldn’t breathe. So busy, so stressed we all wanted to strangle one another (or just a few particular people). I worked an hour later than normal and I was an hour late picking Jenna up (hello, late fees), but I’m not going to leave my team stranded or not do my share.

Jaylen fell asleep in the car on the way to get Jenna, a sure sign something’s not right. We went to Kroger, he complained his stomach hurt, but said he wasn’t nauseous. We shopped, picked up a couple of movies (our indulgence tonight!) and headed for home. We were a few miles away when I decided he needed some apple juice, so I turned around and planned to go to the gas station. But that didn’t happen.

“Mommy, I think I need to throw up!”

Oh, crap. I pulled over, he’s puking up school lunch in someone’s front yard. I decide I don’t care. And then I get a text message. My husband’s excited about some restaurant they’re trying in Dallas. Fabulous.

“That’s nice,” I write. “I’m on the side of the road with a pukey child, letting him vomit in someone’s yard. Have a nice time.”

As Jaylen pukes, he cries and Jaiden cries right along with him. Jenna scolds her.

“I just feel bad for him,” she cries to her baby sister. “I did the same thing when you got shots!”

I chuckle at the exchange and look around. No one’s around, it’s just us. And though one person’s crying, one person’s puking and a third person is bossy them both around, I’m smiling because I think they’re all very sweet.

By the time we arrived home, which was only five minutes later, the winds had picked up and we were under a tornado watch. Fabulous.

Dinner was spaghetti-o’s and string cheese for the girls (their request) and toast with jelly for the boy. They watched a new Scooby Doo flick while they ate and at bedtime I made sure they wore actual pajamas and not kimonos. I gave them instructions should the tornado sirens go off, then kissed their cheeks.

My bones hurt, my brain is swimming in to-do lists and my house is messy. I have given 100 percent where I can, but a lot less where I couldn’t. I have barely been home. I haven’t cooked a decent meal. I haven’t done enough laundry. But tonight? I don’t care. I let go of the guilt to lie down and watch a movie. I needed to breathe, to de-stress, to rest my back (it aches something fierce right now).

I really don’t have it in me to give anything to anyone anymore today. And I am mad because my husband had a leisurely day. More than I am mad, I am jealous.

I want the vacation. I want to hang out in a hotel room with my friends. I want to relinquish my responsibilities as a mother and a wife for a few days.

He says it’s not a vacation, but any day without a meeting, a pukey child, a child with earaches, a Chihuahua with the runs, a Lab who runs away, overtime, projects, sinus congestion, severe weather and fighting children sure sounds like heaven to me.

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