A few days ago, I found myself staring into the bathroom mirror, moving my left hand back and forth and watching my engagement ring sparkle in the light. I generally could care less about sparkly jewelry, I’m not into huge rocks because they are uncomfortable and get in the way. That said, I absolutely adore my engagement ring. It’s not too big and while it does bother me from time to time (mommies, you know what I mean), it’s perfect. I’m lucky to have someone who, when choosing a ring to represent our commitment and promise to one another, would take my preferences into consideration and purchase one he thought I would like.

Lately I have been stressed out and when that happens, I generally become moody. This past week I have decided to make a more conscious effort to think about the reasons I am lucky, the reasons I know I am loved and the reasons why all of this – all of the wedding planning, the crazy busy-ness at work and the offspring-induced crazy – is all worth it. Because if I don’t take a minute to stop and refocus, to remember, I might just lose sight of what is really important.

The other night during a little argument, I started laughing. And I couldn’t stop. Darin and I had been fussing with one another – he needed me to do something and, exhausted and tired of being a caretaker to everyone, I was rude about it. Then he decided to be stubborn and tell me he didn’t need my help and I insisted on helping. Back and forth, round and round. He finally decided to brush his teeth and I said something else to him, though I’m not sure what it was, and he told me he couldn’t hear me because he was brushing his teeth. I don’t know why, but it was funny to me. Perhaps it’s because he brushes his teeth louder than anyone I know or perhaps it’s the way he just pretends he can’t hear me, but I giggled for several minutes. (Also, he does not use water when he brushes his teeth; this is so weird to me!) I’m not sure he knew I was laughing, but by the time he finished his evening pre-bedtime routine, the giggling was over. He was probably still annoyed with me, I’m sure. But I let him know how lucky I was feeling, even though he was mad at me. It’s so wonderful to be in a relationship and know the other person isn’t going to walk out on you, in any way, just because they are mad at you (or for any other reason). I am so lucky to have this security.

I am also blessed to have the security of employment, of housing, of income and of love. There were times when I did not have some of these things.

Thursday after an emotional assignment, I pulled up to a local coffee shop and ordered a vanilla latte and a warm blueberry bagel with strawberry jam (yes, it was as delicious as it sounds). While waiting, I was compelled to send a message to Twitter, which updates my Facebook. Without any prior thought, I opened the message window and typed, “When you’re in the dark, it’s hard to see the light, but trust in God and He will show you the way.” I don’t know why I said that, but I figured God knew someone needed to see that message.

Having been through the dark, I can attest to this.

I was in a bad relationship once upon a time. I was abused emotionally. I was abused mentally. I was abused physically. Never in our relationship was he faithful to me. And yet I stayed. I was afraid of being alone. I believed my loyalty to him, to our children and to our marriage would eventually make him really love me and the rest would work. And I honestly thought many people went through this. One night when our son was a baby, during an argument he told me that if I got pregnant again he’d leave me. And he did, when I was about three months pregnant with our third baby. That was at the end of September 2005 and I didn’t tell anyone other than immediate family members until the end of January 2006. I was so ashamed. But in those months when I slept on the couch and cried my eyes out all day and night, I found faith.

Back then, the lessons on faith taught in the books of Matthew and Luke were always in my thoughts. Faith the size of a mustard seed, that’s all I needed. And it was there. I bought a bracelet with a mustard seed in it to remind me to keep the faith and trust in God. It wasn’t until I found that faith that my journey through the darkness started going toward the light. And because I had faith in the Lord, my life completely changed. I believe that is what lead me through darkness, into the light and to where I am now.

The journey wasn’t easy and it doesn’t get easy, but it gets better because soon the journey brings you happiness and meaning.

A few months after we moved here, my children were baptized and we began attending church regularly. It’s not that we went, but that we learned, we believed and we accepted God into our hearts. I know that sounds hokey and religious, but it’s true.

Having been down that path, through the darkness, I can fully appreciate the things I do have now. I’m sure there are many people out there who have partners they trust, partners who’ve never put them through what Darin and I have both been through with previous relationships, partners who love them. I have that now and I appreciate it. I feel lucky and blessed because I know things could be much, much worse.

I’ve often wondered how people knew God was speaking to them. Do they hear His voice? Or is it something symbolic? Is it just a feeling? That morning when I posted that status update, I just did it. I didn’t even question it until after I did it. On the way back to my office I asked myself what prompted me to do it and I immediately heard my conscious say someone needed it. Someone, somewhere needed reassurance. And minutes after I’d posted it, I had a comment to that message from a high school friend who said it could not have come at a better time. To me, that’s proof that God uses us for others (and apparently he’s working through Facebook now, too).

If you’re in the dark, let your faith guide you to the light. The journey may not be smooth, but eventually He will lead you there. I have a scrap of paper from a fortune cookie which says, “Before you can enjoy the light, you have to deal with the darkness.” It’s in my wallet and has been for more than three years; it serves as my reminder to deal with life’s lemons, life’s hardships and soon it will be worth it.

It’s true what they say, with faith (in yourself, in the Lord) you truly can move mountains.

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