I’m kind of exhausted after this weekend already, but that’s a good thing.

We had a marathon sort of a week at work, trying to get three papers out instead of our normal two. We did Tuesday’s paper on Friday rather than on Monday of this week so that we could enjoy the Labor Day holiday away from work. Love having the day off, but doing all of that work is a kind of pain in the ass.

Friday night I had a meeting to cover and a football game to photograph. After the meeting, I came home and picked Darin up to go with me. The plan was to put the kids to bed with a movie and hit the road, with my parents watching them. But the DVD player, it seemed, decided to die all of a sudden. Yikes.

The game was not all that exciting; our team lost 38-0. Loveliness. We came home and I crashed.

Saturday morning we had soccer practice. It was so hot and the kids were worn out. It was great. Then in the afternoon I had a photo shoot with my friend’s – our soccer coach’s – kids. It was really fun because the kids are uber adorable.

While I was doing that, Darin took the older two down to a sleepover. When we got home, we had some family friends plus Tyrel, Katie and Caiden up for a cookout. And last night I fell asleep sitting up on the couch watching … um, college football? Probably. And I was rudely awakened by my mother, who wanted me to bring down one of my million bridal magazines so she and Judy could look at peonies. lol.

This morning, Jenna, Darin and I went to church, then picked up the older two children. I distinctly remember putting a folder containing Jaiden’s Girl Scouts registration and my phone on my trunk while I loaded the car seats back into the car this morning. And it’s too bad that I didn’t remember that as I drove off. I found it odd that my mom called Darin while we were out, instead of me, but I didn’t put two and two together until later …

Today was the spa day that Katie & I booked at the bridal show. As we pulled out of the driveway, Mom saw some papers in the neighbor’s yard and, thinking it may have been mail, picked it up. It was the registration. And there was the folder in our yard and the last paper in Emily’s parents’ yard. Complete with tire marks. So we get in the car, laughing about that, all the while I’m remembering something else that was put on the trunk with the papers. But what was it? Um … OH YES! The phone! I called Darin, who was at my house watching my kids (brave man), and asked him if he could see if the phone was, perhaps, in the yard. And it was. It was also in the street and in the neighbor’s yard. In four pieces, total. So if you call me and I don’t answer, that’s why: I’m an idiot and I have to wait until Tuesday to work on getting a replacement. (I could beat myself, I swear.)

Later I called AT&T customer service and the guy was anything but helpful. The insurance company, Asurion or whatever, was not available today. There was nothing he could do for me. And he wouldn’t even make a note that I’d called, so I wouldn’t have to go through everything again. (UGH!) So I got mad and asked him, “So what is the point of you being there today? Just to entertain us when we call?!” I mean, seriously. I had Mom, Judy and Inez cracking up. I love making people laugh. lol. (I was for real mad, though. It’s totally not his fault that I was irresponsible, but it’s really aggravating that he couldn’t help me AT ALL.)

So we all went to Memphis for the spa day. We had a lot of fun – and bought a lot of products. It was a spa party at Katie’s house, where they try products on you and then they ask you to buy things. We definitely had a good time and are now Beauticontrol customers. lol. My mom and Inez are even signed up to be “Spa Girlfriends,” a.k.a. salesgirls, so they could get a good deal on a whole bunch of products. lol. (HILARIOUS!)

While we were away getting all relaxed and whatnot, Darin and the kids played outside and took a trip to Wal-Mart to buy a new DVD player. And then when he got home, the new one wouldn’t work either. So we made yet another trip to Wal-Mart for a co-ax cable, but still no luck. UGH. Turns out, it’s the TV. We think. So aggravating. You know, I hate to rely on a TV for my kids because I am not all that fond of them being couch potatoes, but sometimes you just need it. All of you seasoned moms know what I mean, right? lol. When I need some time without fighting, Spongebob is ALWAYS on.

So we are chugging right along with the wedding planning. I’ve slowed down on the obsession a little bit because I was super busy this week at work, but the last couple of days I’ve dived right back in. I’m looking at cake toppers right now. Etsy has THE CUTEST assortment of bride & groom birdies for cakes! I ♥ Etsy in a MAJOR way. They also have the cutest little people, made out of clothespins or pipe cleaners and wooden beads or whatever. I totally think I could make them. Really, I do. Darin is doubting me, though. Not my ability, he says, but my desire and my time once we approach June. He’s probably right, though I’d like to try.

I have to say, Darin is awesome when it comes to the wedding stuff. He doesn’t seem to dread it at all. He’s excited that I’m excited and is always asking how he can help. He will help me make decisions if I need him to. And then he will tell me it’s okay when, two days later, I change my mind on that decision. lol. But most of all, he’s a great advocate. He’s already let me know that he will step in and tell folks to back off with the unsolicited advice when/if I need him to. And? He also said, “Who cares if the wedding topper is $65?!” Ha. While I can appreciate his generosity, a $65 wedding topper is a bit ridiculous. lol. I can totally papier mache some birds.

Lately we have also been talking about guestbooks. I have this obsession with making this wedding different, but still beautiful. Just twists on traditions. For instance, we are nixing the unity candle idea. We think it’s old-fashioned and don’t need the candle to symbolize unity. We’re not doing the “Who gives this woman …?” idea either because I’m 27 and have already been given away once; instead we would like to have our priest ask the congregation, “Who blesses this marriage?” No garter and no flower toss, because no one seems to want to participate in those anyway these days, and we have very few single friends (save the best man). We are picking out different songs instead of traditional ones (no Wedding March for us, but nothing over the top). And for the guestbook, we would like something different as well. Even before I was married the first time, I have wanted to have PHOTOS in my guestbook so that I could look back and laugh, I mean see how our guests looked on the day we got married. Because it’s totally not just about US, of course, since we’re having people come share in our celebration. And because I want do to things differently, I have also talked about getting an antique typewriter and having guests TYPE out a message to us. Because I’m a writer and I think that’s awesome. Not sure if we’re still going with that idea, but we both like the photos idea. So tonight at Wal-Mart we went through the wedding aisle and discussed a few options. We like the idea of a Polaroid camera or a digital camera and printer and having loose scrapbook pages with photo corners already attached; our guests can write a message or just sign their name or doodle or whatever while their photo dries or prints. The kicker is that we want black and white photos – do they make B&W Polaroids? And then, when the photos and ink are dry and ready, guests just slip the page into the sleeve in the album.

Why do we love this? Because it’s totally personal, and that’s our overall theme here. I don’t want to get all mushy-mushy and cry and all of that if I don’t have to. The personal touches that we want to include incorporate our family and friends into our celebration. It’s a big year – 30 years for my parents, 20 years for his and the day after will be 35 years for Wayne and Judy, longtime family friends (for 21 years and counting), 12 years for my oldest brother and his wife and one year for my cousin and his new wife. Additionally, and incidentally, we will be married on what would have been 62 years for my grandparents, my dad’s parents. My dad’s dad passed away five months ago and my dad’s mom has cancer, which is incurable, and they do not expect her to live much too much longer. So I don’t know if she will be there or not (and that really makes me sad, it really does). But what Darin and I would like to do, and we decided this early on, was to honor our family members and friends by displaying their wedding photos. And we will be displaying old photographs of our deceased family members, such as my grandfathers in their WWII uniforms. To take it further (farther?), I want to record everyone’s proposal, wedding and marriage stories for a special surprise. Hopefully I can do all of that, even though my plate is completely full between my 60+ hours/week of work, Girl Scouts, soccer and life, in general.

We have SO much to do, it seems. I am feeling completed overwhelmed here. I have so many ideas and I really have no idea what will look good together. lol. That sounds so weird, but so true.

I did book our ceremony site, which is awesome. I need to put the deposit down this week and book our ceremony site, too. We picked the ceremony site because I really love the curvy sidewalk which winds to the arbor, so I will not have a straight aisle. lol.

Today at church when I opened the hymnal, I opened right to the order of marriage. I sat and leafed through that, getting an idea of how things would go. I didn’t have a religious ceremony last time, just a quick 10-minute little diddy. We’re going to have a religious ceremony this time, though. I just need to figure out readings and/or hymns. There are also several places for guest participation, so if you are coming, say your AMENS! lol. Sing when we sing! And when we get to the part when you can object, just know that I will give you the bill if you do. lol.

So it’s Monday, which means back to work and back to the regular grind of things. It’s a four-day week, with an evening meeting on Tuesday, and nothing like a divorce or a birthday or soccer practice to make this week busy beyond the point of sanity.

I can’t even wrap my head around the fact that we’re off Friday. There is just so much work to do between our monthly real estate guide and our annual Progress edition, in addition to our regular workload and planning our inaugural National Night Out here in Tipton County. I’ve also been working on taking webinars – seminars online – and reading whatever I can get my hands on that is journalism-related. New media and copy-editing in particular. I want to really hone my skills in these two areas, because if I do I should be able to build on those things and be marketable should I ever decide to leave the paper (or the paper decides I should leave or, as many predict, the newspaper becomes as outdated as phonographs and cassette tapes). And beyond that, I really want to better myself in any way I can. There’s nothing wrong with that, except for the fact that I have turned into a J-Nerd and get geeked out when I find other reporters blogging and Twittering. I have 17 new livefeeds in Firefox and 15 of those are journalism-related somehow.

I work for a paper that is published twice-weekly. I live in a county where there are a handful of people on Twitter (one is me, one is Darin’s ex-wife and a third is her friend). We rarely have breaking news and our readers/target demographic is not tech-savvy, but I would love to move our website in a new direction. A new look and feel. More user-friendly, modern and less cluttered. Blogs. Twitter feed. All of which can translate to more readership, more web traffic and thus, more advertising dollars (at least a potential for that, anyway). Some don’t think that the newspaper is a dying breed, but I see it. I love to read my byline and see my stories in newsprint, but the future of media rests not in newsprint, I’m sorry to say. I just hope to have job prospects after the dust settles. (Then again, there will always be McDonald’s and Wal-Mart.)

Also, this is not just election year on the national and state levels. No, this year we have county general and municipal elections. Once upon a time I dreamed of being a poli sci major, but those days, much like my size 4 waist, are long gone. I don’t do politics. And yet I am expected to report on things of a political nature. Oh boy. (This is where I freak out.) Our general elections and state primary in August will cover assessor of property (incumbent running unopposed) and school board elections (all incumbents, only one running opposed) as well as those for state Senate and House of Representatives (HOR) and U.S. Senate and HOR. In November, we bust out the big guns with state and U.S. Senate and House candidates plus we elect or re-elect mayors and aldermen/councilmen. Loveliness. So here’s to hoping I don’t totally screw this up. Definitely need to figure out how I’m going to pull this one off. lol.

Today Justin and I did a story on the local animal shelter and how they are in a crisis (they euthanized 60 dogs last week; typical rate is 35-40 per week). There were some lab/golden retriever puppies that were SO CUTE! I want one so bad, but I can’t have one. It would be irresponsible of me to get one right now because I’m not committed to taking care of a dog. I always said I’d consider getting one after all of my kids were potty trained, but Dad won’t let anymore animals in the house, so yeah. Not heartbroken, but I wish I could adopt one. A chocolate girl. And name her London. (Always wanted a chocolate lab named London. Don’t ask me why.) There were also some kitties that I know Jaiden would have LOVED to bring home, but we don’t need kitties, either. Maybe one day. But today’s not that day.

And now that I’ve bored you to tears … kids. They’re driving me nuts today. They are now in bed and hopefully I will not have a huge problem getting them all to sleep.

I have recently removed Jenna’s crib rail (again!). Last time she really wasn’t ready for it, but this time she’s done well. Since last Thursday, she’s only left her bed once, which was tonight. Tonight she was all bent out of shape because of the pool. She wanted to put on her “baby soup” (bathing suit) and go swimming like the big kids. I put her arm floaties on and put her in Caiden’s turtle float. She floated around the pool. And then she got to the jet, which streamed water at her legs and made her VERY unhappy! She wanted OUT. NOW! After about 10 minutes of listening to her whine and cry and scream bloody murder, I got her out of the pool. At this particular time, Zip was also hunting a snake in our bushes which totally freaks me out! When Jenna screamed I jumped up and checked the pool to see if there was a snake in the water. Oh, and the bushes I mention were less than 10 feet from me. I was sitting paralyzed in my chair (next to the pool). She wanted to ride “her bike”, so I got it out (it was near the bushes – omg!) and let her ride (on the other side of the yard). And still she fussed – until she found bubbles.

When we came in, she fussed and fussed and fussed more about having to take a shower and get in bed. And she fussed when she got out of the shower. And fussed while I dried her off and put a Pull-Up on her butt. Oh my.

She is doing pretty well with her potty training, though. I must add that.

The older two started their chores tonight. After a long week last week of trying to have them clean their room, I decided that I definitely need help. God knows I HATE(!!!) asking for help for ANYTHING, but I figured since they help make the mess, they can help clean it up. They’re six and four-and-a-half now. Why not? This week Jaiden has to help with laundry and Jaylen has to help with dishes. Next week they’ll switch. They are also responsible for making sure their clothes get to where they need to be and their toys and shoes put up. Day One – so far, so good, but Day One usually is. They enjoy laundry and dishes (whose kids are these?), so I figured I’d start them off on something they still like to do. I am still trying to come up with a good reward. I’m thinking a dollar a week? Maybe? I don’t know. We also talked about making a box filled with slips of paper that detail fun things we can do if chores are completed each week. (We would draw a slip of paper at the end of each week and do whatever was on the paper.) They suggested Chuck-E-Cheese, but I’m not going to pay for gas to go all the way to Memphis plus games and pizza and more gas to get home. I could hire a maid for that amount. lol.

Anyway. I was up late writing last night and had a long day at work (and home!), so I’m gonna hit the road. Have a good one!

The day I have been waiting for has finally arrived. And so has the day I’ve been dreading for six years. (Okay, been dreading both for about six years or so, but whatever.)

So first the dread.

In the car this morning Jaiden asked me how babies get inside a mommy’s tummy. OH NO. I was NOT ready for that one! Luckily (for me) we were close to their school, so I told her we’d talk about it later. She has not brought it up, though, and I don’t know whether I want to. I know I should be a good mom and answer her questions, but I’m not ready to answer that. I don’t know how I’m even going to attempt to answer that one. Don’t we get a few more years for this one? Goodness. What am I going to do! lol. She also asked me how to spell broccoli; I think I can handle that one.

And now the excitement. (Yay!)

The day I have been waiting for will arrive soon. I just found out about an hour and a half ago, but Monday will be my divorce hearing! Pardon me if I don’t stifle the giddiness, but I am SO excited! I have been going through with this nonsense for a long time; he left me the first time in March 2005 and the second – and last – time in Sept. 2005. I filed for child support in May 2006 (and just started getting it in March of this year). I filed for divorce in July 2007 after finally getting extra money. It’s been a long, exhausting process and I am so ready for it to be over with! This could be the last Tuesday I’m ever married to him. Ha. (I so want to use exclamation points EVERYWHERE, but I know that’s a bit of overkill!)

I have to bring a witness with me and this person has to be able to testify that he left me, he’s not been around and whatever else he decides to ask. My mom was supposed to come, but she will be out of town until the 27th. My lawyer said Darin could do it (and our relationship wouldn’t be brought up; we’re no longer dating, by the way), but he will also be out of town until the 27th. So I asked Tyrel and Katie, and they are going to be out of town as well. lol. Gee. No one is willing to cancel their trips to help me FINALLY get divorced? Ha. I’m kidding. (I know the world doesn’t revolve around me, but it needs to on this day.) I asked my dad if he’d go – and that was kind of like having to ask him to buy me a pack of tampons or sit in on a pelvic exam or something – and thankfully he’ll go and answer whatever he can.

Holy wow, this could actually HAPPEN. Please tell me it’s not a dream.

ANYWAY. That aside, more excitement!

I downloaded the new Firefox 3 today. Ha, just kidding. (I mean, I did download that, but it’s not what is exciting.)

Jaiden’s sixth birthday is coming up at the end of next week! We’ll be having her birthday party next weekend and my brother has arranged for an ice cream truck, “Brain Freeze”, that was tricked out by CMT’s Trick My Truck to come. (Their other truck happened to be broken down in front of the place in which my sister-in-law works and Tyrel was also there by chance, so he helped them fix it or whatever, so they are doing this as a favor. I am SO not made of money. lol.) The kids will get to tour the truck and pick out their own ice cream, which I’m sure they will love. So we’re going to play off of that and do an ice cream/pool party theme, which should be easy to pull off and easy on the pocketbook (she originally wanted to have it at the children’s museum or Chuck E. Cheese, but I can’t afford to take everyone there again). Don’t you just love planning birthday parties? Ha. I need to come up with some original games/party favors. On Friday night, her actual birthday, we’ve asked two of her friends to spend the night, so we’ll be doing a sleepover too (her first). So much fun to be six, I tell ya. lol.

Remember how last week I gave myself a black eye at parenting class? Still have it. It’s almost gone and I can at least play it off and match my left eye to the right with makeup. Thankfully. lol. I always find some way to embarrass myself! On Sunday I wore a new dress to church. It’s made out of a silk-like fabric and is really pretty – black with silver polka dots. Anyway. So after church, the kids and I took a father’s day card to Darin and he noticed one of my seams had ripped. IN THE BACK. Someone at church told me I looked attractive and maybe it was because he saw five inches of my underwear during communion? I don’t know! I have no idea how long it was there. This morning I sewed it up and wore the dress to work. Justin (from Channel 5) and I (along with a Channel 5 intern) went through Arkansas to an island that is actually part of my (our, I guess, since Justin lives here too) county which can only be accessed by land via Arkansas (don’t ask – the crazy Mississippi River screwed it up some time ago). Our sheriff’s dept. opened a new substation over there and the grand opening was attended by almost all seven of the island’s residents (yes, seven) as well as all kinds of people like our DA, the sheriff for the county adjacent to our islands and his deputies, game wardens, etc. And guess whose seam did not hold? Yeah. But thankfully I had the foresight to bring a pair of gaucho pants that matched and so I put those on and tucked the dress in. I hate this dress now. Too bad it’s so cute. Hopefully my mom can fix it for good when she gets back. I do not need to be embarrassing myself anymore. lol.

Yesterday my good buddy and partner at WMC-TV 5 in Memphis, Justin Hanson (who’s Emily’s cousin), interviewed me as a representative for my newspaper for a story he did on our Top Ten Most Wanted weekly feature which is published in conjunction with our sheriff’s office.

Here’s the story: www.wmctv.com/global/story.asp?s=8279858

And in doing the interview, I know why I’m in print journalism rather than in broadcast: I suck on camera! lol. Justin edited out my retardness for the most part, but you can still see me slouching and, if you pay attention, can still hear and see me swiveling in my chair. Ha. (This was at my desk, by the way.) I seriously bombed that interview. He’d ask a question and I’d stutter, then turn to Gwen for coaching. lol. I’m just not a good on-the-spot person and because I work with him just about every day, I know Justin interviews like I do: we don’t come prepared with questions, we wing it.

The Most Wanted program, which was started in late October 2007, has a 43 percent success rate thus far. That means that four out of every ten offenders featured is captured in some way – whether they are apprehended by the police or turn themselves in. It’s been a great benefit for our county.

Also featured in the video are Sgt. Billy Daugherty (and his LIPS! Ha!) and Deputy Chief Donna Turner of the Tipton County Sheriff’s Office. I work with these two quite a bit and they are wonderful. I’ve come to them with everything from keeping an eye on the house when we’re away to filing complaint after complaint about my apparent stalker to programming my police scanner and they are always, always there to help. I’ve found that with most – if not all – of the members of our local law enforcement agencies: they are always willing to help out, no matter how great or small the problem. Gotta love the po-lice (the sheriff teases me for saying it the yankee way lol).

Back to the video – yes, that is our ugly paneled office that used to be a bowling alley. And yes, I’ve watched it like a million times to criticize myself and to laugh hysterically at Billy’s lips! lol. What on earth possessed him to put in that shot of Billy’s lips I’ll never know, but I still think it’s hilarious. Can’t wait to call him up and tease him about it!

I am in another of my moods where I don’t feel like doing anything. It’s so lovely, this feeling.

I’m still very frustrated over my laptop, but trying not to let it bother me. I think my data can be retrieved. I’m hopeful, anyway. I am trying very hard not to throw the stupid thing through the window. I don’t know how long it will be before the urge becomes too much for me, though. But this is really only a blip on my radar.

You know, sometimes I really feel like I hate my life. I don’t really, let me say that, but sometimes I wonder why I bother with various things. Yesterday, for instance, I was frustrated with Jaylen. With kids, in general. Parenting is two things – like herding chickens and like being pecked to death by a duck (my mother had a plaque that said this when we were kids). Sometimes it’s great and fabulous and all dreamy like June Cleaver portrayed, but most of the time, not even close. I mean, really, is it so hard to listen when I tell you do something? I’m not unreasonable, well not usually. I just want Jaylen to not run over to the mats in Jaiden’s school’s gym when we’re picking her up and sit on them until I have to physically drag all 35 pounds of him all the way across the room while holding a 30-pound toddler and wearing heels. Meanwhile, Jaiden’s running out into the hallway to sip water from the water fountain and Jenna’s trying her hardest to wriggle herself out of my arms.

Then last night it got worse and I was so frustrated. I wanted to cry because I kept thinking – “I have 16 more years of this, at a minimum? And it’s going to get A LOT harder?” These are things you don’t really think about when you’re pregnant. When people whine about how hard pregnancy is (usually first-time moms) I just laugh (on the inside) because, as the saying goes, “You ain’t see NOTHING yet!” Nine months and labor and delivery are pretty much the easiest parts of parenthood.

Last night I was also frustrated because I feel like I’m going nowhere at work.

Then later in the evening I received a phone call on our landline. It was someone I don’t know asking me all sorts of obscene questions – and it REALLY freaked me out. He called twice, actually, and blocked his number both times. He spoke in a very raspy whisper. It was SO CREEPY. And I panicked, like I do. I was really scared because who knows what could happen. I got all paranoid and went over all of the different things that could happen. You just never know. I did file a police report this afternoon and I’m working on getting the detailed phone records per the instructions of my friends at the sheriff’s office. And like I told Darin – I would still be afraid if it were just me I had to worry about, but I am also worried about something happening to or in front of my children. It’s scarier because of them. It has me freaked out, honestly. I just feel so vulnerable and like I don’t know what to do. The deputy that took my statement asked if I’d made anyone mad or had any enemies, but it’s hard to say. I’m sure I do, given my job. And because I don’t even use our landline for anything other than records at Jaiden’s school, this guy had to figure a few things out first.

I really want to yank the blog or go super private. I really thought about it last night. I’m still undecided.

Also, yesterday, I got a plant delivered to me at work and the card read, “I saw you at the prison. You be fine. Your secret admirer #1008027″

A few weeks ago, my coworker and I went to a nearby prison for PR luncheon and had a tour. While we were on the tour we saw a guy doing nasty things to himself while staring us down. Ahem. And I had someone (not a prisoner! lol) give me their number. So I was confused at first. But then I figured that it had to be someone playing a trick on me. First, it was a plant and not flowers, so this person must know that I have allergies and second, it was sent to me using my maiden name. lol. It was either Darin or his sister, I guessed, but why would his sister send me a plant? As it turns out, it WAS Dara! She sent it to me in thanks for proofing her papers for school. Awesome. Now hopefully I don’t kill it.

And today’s Wednesday. A very boring, very dull Wednesday. We had lunch with Emily earlier, so that was fun. We ate at Arby’s, which is something different for me. I’m tired of all of the same old stuff. Imagine that.

Anyway. I have to run!

With more rain and thunderstorms, today was another dreary spring day, and I didn’t mind it one bit. The workday seemed to pass a little too quickly for my taste, especially since this morning I found myself writing everything I needed to put in the paper.

Needing to escape the madhouse for bit, I took a full lunch today (usually I leave, pick something up and eat at my desk). Headed to Wal-Mart with the intent to look for something to hang on my wall at work (my desk was rearranged on Tuesday), I browsed several different departments and never did find what I’d intended to buy. Instead, I left Wal-Mart with pens, dry erase markers, a load of candy for work and the book But Inside I’m Screaming by Elizabeth Flock. I needed something to busy myself with while Darin’s gone. Tuesday night I read short stories from my old literature text and I fell in love with “I Stand Here Ironing” by Tillie Olsen as well as a few others. Mothers really need to read this story as a simple reminder that we should pay attention to our children and show them we love them, for that is the greatest gift we can ever give them. Darin says it’s weird to sit and read a lit book, but it was either that or a bio on President Clinton. And, when again faced with the choice of Clinton or something else, today I chose to purchase a new book. And I was not disappointed.

Honestly, I picked up But Inside I’m Screaming because it is a story about a broadcast journalist who has a nervous breakdown. Desperate, she tries to kill herself and ends up in a mental institution seeking treatment. I won’t give away the ending, but it’s pretty great. I found that I could relate with a lot of the book (aside from actually being in the loony bin, I mean) and so I’m wondering now if that means that I need shock treatment, too? I started and finished the book tonight, all 320 pages. It was very good, I have to say. Great dialogue, great main character and very interesting. Perhaps that’s because I can relate to being called to a story here and there and everywhere when I would rather be elsewhere or because I can relate to other facets of Isabel and her relationships. I really enjoyed it, though. Based on the reviews on Amazon.com, her book Me & Emma, which I nearly choose over the other one, is supposed to be better; this was also at Wal-Mart and I plan on reading it as well.

Really, though, now I’m wondering if I need to head to my nearest facility to be checked out (or checked in?) because we seem to have some of the same issues, minus the suicidal tendencies. I just don’t have panic attacks or choke on the job (yet). And Elizabeth Flock is a former writer for Time and People, two of my favorite magazines, and was a broadcast journalist for CBS.

Ever since I was a little girl I have been inspired by books, by stories, by anything I could read. When I read I get inspired to write a novel or short story. It seems so easy sometimes. I tell non-fictional stories every day, it’s my job. Why not fiction? I think I could do it. I have started writing books several times here and there, even wrote and illustrated some “children’s books” on typing paper when I was a kid. I guess it’s always been in my blood. I am happy just to create anything – whether that is through writing, photography, painting, crafting, digital scrapbooking.

Today’s blog title comes from a lyric in one of Jaylen’s favorite songs. Bonus points if you can tell me what song – without looking it up on Google! lol

It’s an awfully dreary Wednesday here in West Tennessee; it’s gray, cloudy, cool and rainy. One of those days where you fight going to work and being a responsible adult with every ounce of your soul, wishing instead you were curled up under the covers with Project Runway reruns all day. Sometimes junk TV, like junk food, can be healthy for the soul.

Of course I fought the urge to stay home and in bed, partly because I am particularly fond of being employed and partly because of the responsibility I feel towards my coworkers. These last few weeks I have felt it most difficult to sit down, to focus, to be productive while I’m being paid to be productive. I’m hoping this goes away soon as I despise despising my job. What’s changed? I think I’m just growing incredibly restless and resentful of having to apologize for others’ mistakes, among other things. I also have this incredible writer’s block where I have simply become uninspired. This is not a good thing considering I’m a writer.

I was soliciting ideas for my column from Darin this afternoon. His suggestions? Easter. The Riverkings. March Madness. My pick? Child support and how it is a bigger problem than some people realize. And then lo and behold, this afternoon I received the first child support check from the court order. It definitely helps out, but let me be greedy for a minute and say that it’s not enough. Because it isn’t. What was erroneously ordered by the State of South Carolina arrived today. In reality I should be getting twice what they ordered as, for some unknown reason, they think I do not pay childcare (on normal weeks – meaning, when I don’t have to work late or Jaiden’s not on some sort of school break – I pay $245/week; next week I will be paying $320 or so). But something is better than nothing, I suppose. I don’t know what all will happen with this because I do have divorce action pending and child support was including in the parenting plan. If I could ever get my lawyer – who I just paid off last week because he threatened to stop “representing me” – to call me back, then I might have some answers. And a court date. But that’s another topic for another day.

It’s all so very frustrating. I really wish I didn’t have these issues. Understandably, they could be so much worse, of which I am thankful, but I will be glad to be done with all of this in about 20 years or so. I will probably still be married, though, still waiting on my lawyer to get me a court date.

So otherwise, I have been feeling a little lonely and bored in the evenings. Darin’s started taking [online] classes and so he is very consumed with that, in addition to being Emma’s dad on the days he has her. I’m glad that he’s committed to those things and I’m happy he’s back in school. Usually we talk on the phone after we get our kids in bed and since he is busy (as he should be), we don’t talk until he’s done. I’ve been trying to busy myself with things I enjoy doing, like catching up on my writing, reading blogs or forums or MySpace, reading magazines, watching TV … indulging in the things that make me happy. Tonight I’m thinking I’ll do a facial mask and listen to a podcast? Maybe hit up Starbucks. I definitely need to get some Easter items for the kids, so a trip to Wal-Mart or Walgreen’s will happen at some point. I’m really trying to find new things to be interested in that I can look forward to doing while he’s doing his work, but I have to be honest in that I am coming up short. lol.

Really, since we’ve started dating I’ve been really conscious about not losing who I am. That was a mistake I made in the past and I don’t want it to happen again. I spent a lot of time rediscovering who I am and what I like, what I want and I didn’t want to lose that. I’m independent, I’m sure he’d agree (right?), and so I am trying to figure out just how it is possible that only after five months of dating and eight months of friendship I already feel like I don’t know what I should be doing when I can’t talk to him. Maybe it’s just because I know I don’t want to disturb him that I am having issues? lol. Any other time I’m sure I could think of a thousand things I could do. And I don’t even see him every single day, that’s why it’s weird to me that I’m struggling to find something to fill the time when I can’t see him. It’s all kind of crazy and pathetic, I think.

Of course, I do have a ton of laundry to do. But do I want to actually do it? Nah. Never.

My lovely friend Emily’s post hit the nail right on the head for me today. I have always felt that God speaks to me through her at times. Thanks for talking with me earlier and thanks for the advice. I needed it more than you know (or maybe you do know?).

Also, Monday was a day for the record books. Not only did Shanee get to see her little piglet again, but she also told me she saw someone from high school. lol. Usually I will bring up the name of someone we went to high school with and she will have no recollection of the person, so it was very funny to have the tables turned Monday. She told me she saw this guy Shawn and even after seeing his picture I don’t remember him. There’s a first time for everything, isn’t there.

I signed Jaylen up for soccer. Practice starts tomorrow night already. Oy. But he’ll have fun, I’m hoping. (I’m sure not looking forward to spending a lot of time on the practice fields while it’s still cold and muddy out, though.)

Alrighty. I’m headed down to see why dinner’s taking so long tonight, then doing whatever it is that I decide to do afterwards. Have a good night!