Last night I tucked my three-year-old Jenna in for the last time, kissed her little three-year-old lips for the last time and hugged her once more as a three-year-old.

And this morning, I met the four-year-old little girl. I’m eager to see what this year has in store for her, but I am not being honest if I don’t say how much I will miss three. Three is fun and exciting and unexpected. You don’t know what three has in store; it is worse than two, but also better than two. I am sorry to see it go.

I can’t describe in words what she means to me, what she’s brought to my life.

She is one of the most nurturing people in the world, one of the bossiest, but one of the best.

She adores this doll, one she picked out a year ago with Christmas money and named Jonas. She would bring "Joanie" everywhere if you’d let her; she most often makes Jonas have circle time and take a nap. lol.

For her birthday she said she didn’t want anymore babies because she already had a hundred of them. lol. And she didn’t get one baby doll at her party. I know the “baby” days will be over soon enough, which makes me sad, but I’m still grateful to have the opportunity to enjoy them, to enjoy her.

We love you, Gracie Giggles, and wish you the happiest of birthdays!

Sometimes you know a lifelong memory before it even happens.

A first date, a first dance, a first soccer game.

It’s a memory because it’s supposed to be. As a parent, it’s your job to file it away, tucked amongst the other milestones, to savor when your baby birds have left the nest and are growing chicks of their very own. That’s just the way it is, the way it’s supposed to be.

And sometimes, you don’t know a lifelong memory until you’re right in the middle of it, until you’re standing there being saturated in it. Saturdays are sometimes like this.

Before I had even crawled out of bed Saturday morning, I was greeted by a bouncy 6-year-old eager to share exciting news.

“Look, Mama,” he said through his beaming smile. “I have a wiggly tooth!”

He gave one of his bottom front teeth the obligatory wiggle, and he was right. It sure was wiggly. In fact, I would have placed a bet that it would fall out within the week. And I wasn’t ready.

I love this little boy as much as any mother loves her only son. In fact, maybe I love him more because he is better than I am. He is neater, more responsible than I am. His shoes are always put away, his room usually clean. He likes to save his money. Sometimes I wonder who his real mother is and if she’ll show up, but I will gladly raise him in her stead.

“Look at that,” I say, wondering how much longer I have until he joins the group of toothless children running around his school. I feign excitement, but I am not excited. He has such a pretty smile, I have often said to myself, and I will hate it when it is no longer.

For four years I wore braces and refused to wear my rubber bands. His father wore them for two years and so I believe my children are also destined for braces. I have always loved my son’s smile, have always admired the way his teeth chose to behave when they came in. I am sad because of the wiggly tooth and decide to savor the days until he loses it, to steal every glimpse of straight baby teeth I can get.

By late Saturday morning we are back in the gymnasium, watching 7-9-year-olds shoot hoops and 4-11-year-olds with bright pom poms cheer them on. It is the last game of her first season cheering and I am proud.

She is my daughter and thus naturally tires of activities once they’ve lost their appeal. We’ve been through years of dancing and soccer, with neither holding her interest through an entire season. I waited a year before signing her up for cheerleading because I wanted to make sure she really wanted it.

I am proud that she has found something she loves, especially because it has given her a better sense of self-esteem. Her coaches may not realize it, but every time they let her show the squad a cheer she’d made up, no matter how silly it was or how little rhythm it had, they gave her self-respect, pride and acceptance.

I remember being sad the day she was born because I could no longer protect her as much as I could while she was in my womb. Standing over her in the bassinet, hand on my empty belly, I realized there was no stopping life and reality. It was, and still is, terrifying.

Now in the second grade, she is learning more about life than I wish she had to. The good thing about cheerleading is that the girls on her squad have brought some of the good lessons back, the lessons of friendship, of community, of teamwork, of happiness.

Hands on her hips, a smile on her lips, she cheered loud and proud. The last game of her first season. She knew the season was the stuff memories are made of and she passed some of the passion along that day.

“Here, Jenna, you can use my pom poms if you want,” she said, passing the annoying gold poms to her baby sister.

She didn’t know it, but she’d just made her sister’s day. Or maybe she did, Jaiden is insightful.

Jenna turned to find me, then beamed a smile at me.

Jenna, you see, stands on the sidelines and cheers right along with the big girls. At 3, she was too young to cheer. But next season – in fact, on Wednesday (March 3) – she will be 4. And she desperately wants to cheer. For the rest of the game, Jenna sat next to another young cheerleader and together they muddle through the long list of cheers. The other little girl was sweet enough to help Jenna along and make sure she understood the cheers. She knew most of them, though, because little sisters always watch big sisters.

Handing over her poms wasn’t a big deal for Jaiden, but for Jenna, it meant the world.

She was ecstatic and happy and in love.

And so was I. I will never forget that moment.

Not to be outdone, my son had to go and lose his tooth. In a Hot Pocket of all things.

The tooth next to it is wiggly too, much to my chagrin.

Ah, memories. Life is meant to be saturated with them, especially the good ones.

* The tooth fairy accidentally woke him up while depositing his money and he quickly checked for coins under the pillow; she made a quick save by dropping it on the floor and pretending he must have knocked it off of his bed in his sleep.

PS – He says the tooth fairy lives in a castle made of teeth. With robots.

More and more I’m finding it difficult to quiet the voices, the thoughts constantly running through my head. Jaylen has snack on Tuesday, Jenna has to bring a snack on Wednesday; don’t forget to plan something quick and easy for Monday and Thursday, something meatless for Wednesday and Friday; Jenna’s birthday party is on Sunday and invitations haven’t gone out; I need to decide on and design a logo for the photography business, work up more templates, set pricing, add a portfolio to the site; I can’t wait for girl time on Friday; soccer sign-ups end this week; I really want chocolate; I’m behind on xyz; laundry needs to be done, don’t forget to call the washer repairman; don’t forget to send lunch money; get out of bed on time tomorrow; my God, do I need some chocolate.

No matter what I’m doing, where I’m going, the steady stream is there. It’s the freakin’ never-ending to-do list, live and in my brain. Sometimes I wish I could crumple it up and be guilt-free.

November and January were great months for this blog, filled with daily posts and comments from readers. I miss it, but at the same time I’m relieved to not have one more self-imposed obligation.

I’ve been working on my 29-day giving challenge, though admittedly it’s been a half-hearted attempt. I’ve given every day, though I’ve not documented since I was in single digits and have even lost track of what actual day I’m on, though I know I started on Feb. 2. Perhaps later I will be able to focus wholeheartedly on this challenge, but right now I feel like I’m being challenged enough in other areas.

Last month I launched the Etsy shop and, as the next phase in my plan, this week I had a semi-launch of my new website, Echo Day Photography. The blog is really the only thing up and running. Over time I will add galleries and all that jazz, just trying to take it one step at a time, take more photos and not stress myself out over it. I’m very, very excited, though! Once I figure out how I want to do it, I’ll also be featuring my card designs there. During the next few months I’ll be working on birth announcement and party invitation printables and more, including a special item request from Liz of DaMomma.com. Look for that in April (not giving it away!). Don’t forget to hop on over there, subscribe to the blog, follow me on Twitter and become a fan on Facebook! I’d really appreciate it if you did.

Work has been … well, work. I’ve become rather complacent and unmotivated. I’m missing the spark, which happens from time-to-time. This was supposed to be the last week for our other writer, but arrangements have been made and she will be staying on-board, but in a different capacity. This? Is great. When she announced her plans last month, I was initially worried that I’d be alone for a few weeks, writing everything, but I decided to let go and let God and it worked out.

That said, we are in the middle of a huge publication and we’re behind. What else is new?

The husband and children are doing well.

Darin worked on a super secret project for a major corporation, something outside his actual job description, and got a nice bonus because of it. Very proud of him! He and I also worked on his old house, sprucing it up for family members who have plans to move here in a few months.

Don’t we look horrible? I know. But we have matching bandanas. Apparently he’s in the crypts and I’m in the Mossy Oak gang? I just didn’t want paint in my hair, which is what ALWAYS happens. But the paint is brown, so really it wouldn’t have been all that noticeable. That said, we have smiles on our faces. Real smiles, not fake ones. It took a few months to get back to it, but we’re back in our saccharin-sweet newlywed phase. You know it, it’s that one where you look around, sigh, and smile because you are married. To someone who wants to be married to you. And it rocks.

Anyway, our project that day was to paint cabinets. The top cabinets were white, the bottom were a green color; they’re not all brown and look SO MUCH BETTER. You’re welcome, mystery family member with a secret move. Darin said you can pay Day-Day Home Improvements with a barbeque pit. Ha!

Jaiden is wrapping up cheerleading. Next Friday is the jamboree and they have been practicing like crazy. I’ll be a little excited to have my Monday and Thursday nights back, though soccer season will start next month, so there really won’t be too much of a break, especially since all four kids are probably playing. I know Jaiden will be sad when cheerleading is over, though. She has really, really enjoyed it and it’s been a great confidence boost for her; I was really worried about her self-esteem for awhile, but cheerleading has helped. All of the nickel-and-diming, all of the frustration I’ve endured is worth it to see that smile on her face. She has recently made two new friends too, who she says are the best ever, so that is great. There is no drama there like there is with some of the girls in her class. (Yes, we start the drama at a young age, apparently!)

I found out almost two weeks ago that someone had been bullying my son. I was so, so, so angry! And upset. I mean, he’s my baby boy! He’s six, but he’s still my little man. He cried when he told me; we were sitting at a table at IHOP of all places. I was devastated. Poor thing. Thankfully it wasn’t anything too bad and the school administrators have talked with the both of them; things seem to be going okay since. Anyway, he has been reading for several months now and loves going to basketball practice with Darin (who plays on an adult league).

We’ve been having a few issues with Emma lately because of adjustments in other areas of her life. She had night terrors Sunday night; Jaylen had those as a toddler. Poor little thing was SO upset! My heart just broke for her. Emma doesn’t seem to do too well with changes, good or bad. She still has her imagination, though. The other night she woke up about 3:15 a.m. and made several trips downstairs to ask us questions and have us weigh in on certain things, like whether or not Jenna’s Dora flower wall stickers would turn into spiderwebs with real spiders. At 3:30 a.m.! OMG. Blah. Darin enrolled her in private school for Pre-K next year, so over the summer we’ll have to get her uniforms and all that jazz.

Next week, Jenna is turning four! So weird. And so fast. On Sunday we’re having a teacher-themed party for her. It’s perfect, because the girl LOVES to play teacher all day, every day. She told me last week that she didn’t need any presents because she already has too many toys in her room! lol. She has since changed her tune, though, and wants Barbie dolls and Dora toys. We’re having her party at a skating rink and she is super excited over it. She’s also excited about watching Jaiden cheer; she cheers right along with her from the sidelines. I think maybe we’ll have two little girls carrying poms poms next fall. SIGH.

So that’s the basic wrap-up from here. Consider yourself updated! Now you know why I have so much running through my head all the time.

A few days ago my parents called and invited the kids to spent the night Saturday, which means date night for Mommy and Daddy!

In fact we had a double date night! We met up with Christa and John and headed down to Memphis for dinner and a movie. We sat and chatted at McAllister’s for quite awhile, then went next door to the Paradiso to see Book of Eli. It had mixed reviews, but we were all interested in seeing it, so … we did.

And? We each loved it! I don’t want to give the storyline away, but Eli (Denzel’s character) plays the hero trying to save humanity. The movie is graphic. The storyline is slow and somewhat mysterious. But that’s the point.

Denzel is walking. For decades. And in his possession he holds the very thing that will save the post-apocalyptic US. It’s pretty deep and Dara said it was preachy (she saw it Friday), but I didn’t think so.

The villian, to me, symbolized Pontius Pilate in a way. There is a scene that could symbolize Jesus on Calvary Hill and a resurrection. It’s an action movie with religious undertones. Okay, overtones. And the ending was predictable, but not. You know he’s going to be the savior. You know he’ll do the task set before him. But there’s a little twist you won’t expect. And it’ll make sense if you pay attention.

I want to talk about it, but I don’t want to give it away. It was really, really good, though.

Even better was the guy sitting next to Christa and the way he testified throughout the movie and encouraged Eli/Denzel not to fall out of the boat because, um, black people can’t swim (his words, only paraphrased in a way that won’t get me jumped).

We had such a great time with Christa and John, though! Darin tries to keep to himself, but he and John chatted the whole night (it was the first time they had ever really talked).

Darin and I determined that the last time we went on double dates was 2002 and 2005, respectively. And we had so much fun that we can’t wait to do it again! I smiled the whole way home because it’s so nice to have wonderful friends. Thank you, John and Christa, from the bottom of our hearts!

Today I went to church by myself – no kids, no husband – and really, really enjoyed the visiting priest’s sermon. She is different from our beloved priest who left a few weeks ago, but she is very deep. I loved her message, one which really spoke to me. She said that we, like wine within a grape, must be willing to be transformed into a sacrament. (You can guess that the lesson today was the first miracle at the wedding at Canaa). We need to open our hearts and let God in, let him transform us. It was really great.

Tomorrow the kids and I are off of school/work and I hope we can get down to the Civil Rights Museum, which is at the Lorraine Motel where Dr. King was shot. Jenna keeps asking if we are going to Martin Luther King’s birthday party! lol. She learns about Dr. King every year in school and actually corrected Jaiden the other day; Jaiden said, “What did he say? Yes we can?” and Jenna runs into the room screaming, “Nooo! Barack says that!” Ha. And she will march and say, “I have a dream! Dr. Martin Luther King!” SO cute! I videoed her doing that last year and never shared it; I’ll have to do it again this year.

Dear Tennessee,

This is a little embarrassing. You see, today my children were out of school due to the inclement weather. Our friends up north? They’re laughing. At us. And yes, I can hear them, because they’re loud.

Seriously? A SNOW DAY? Cluster Flake 2010 resulted in a dusting of snow. That is what our friends up north would call great winter weather.

But we made the best of it.

We sat around in our jammies, watching television and eating late meals. The littlest asked to go outside and play, so we all suited up and braved the freezing temperatures, the coldest we’ve had in 14 years (are those chuckles, Canada?), to play with all of the 39 flurries that fell in our yard.

My in-laws gifted our family with a sled for Christmas and because we so rarely get snow, I couldn’t tell the children no when they wanted to sit inside and fly down our hill.

See? They had so much fun. Even though, you know, it was mostly grass and leaves. (Enough outta you, Minnesota!) Surprisingly, it worked pretty well and kept them occupied for awhile.

They went down the hill together, then individually.

They also made snow angels and a mini snowman before going back to sledding. You can see more photos here.

I think the low tonight will be a single digit or pretty darn close to it. That, my friends, is cold.

Tomorrow I suppose schools will be closed again. Snow or no snow, Southerners can’t function when the mercury dips that low.

It’s a good thing we have Al Gore on our side. Perhaps we can go over to his house, it must be awfully warm there.

Love, me

The best gifts are those you don’t expect.

A new camera, an unscheduled day off of work, a new outlook on life.

Once upon a time my baby daughter and I gave each other a mutual gift: life. It was during my pregnancy with her that my first marriage came to a screeching halt and I was in a bad place, but it is because of her that I am living, that I feel alive and that I am happy even when I am unhappy. And it is because of her that I can find the gift in something otherwise dreadful, like illnesses and office visits.

We walked in and to the check-in desk where I carefully printed her name and our arrival time on the sign-in sheet. She chose a seat for us and for our things – her coat, my purse and her bag. We sat down and situated our belongings, then she climbed onto my lap and quickly snuggled into the places on my body designed especially for cuddling. I offered books and Barbies and she was not interested. Within minutes her drowsy eyes drooped lower and longer, until she was breathing slower and more rhythmically and eventually sleeping.

Jenna has never liked to be cradled, even going so far as to laying in breech position while in utero, but this morning she slept on my lap in that very position. I know it was the fever taking over, but I decided to enjoy it while I had the opportunity.

During the first hour we waited, I alternated between reading more chapters of 29 Gifts and staring at Jenna, memorizing the way her eyelashes flutter and the ways she fidgeted with the sleeves of my sweater even in her sleep. Her little fingers traced the ribbing around the cuff, then danced against the inside of the sleeve for several minutes.

I could feel another mother staring at me, a younger mother completely enchanted with her sleeping child, and at first I was slightly embarrassed that she caught me. Then I decided I didn’t care; Jenna is mine and I will fall in love with my children every single day for as long as I am allowed. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I would do absolutely anything for this little child, a baby I never expected to have but have been so blessed to nurture.

Later, I noticed she had cuddled against her own son and even pulled our her camera phone to snap photos of someone I suspect she had just remembered to fall in love with again. And it made me smile.

During our second hour in the waiting room, I decided it was growing increasing warm and uncomfortable. Every time a nurse opened the door to call on another patient, a rush of chilled air could be felt in the waiting room. Wearing three layers and holding a feverish preschooler, during that hour I lived for those moments.

Jenna’s temperature was also increasing, so I decided to politely ask someone to take her temperature. There have been many instances where I have been very impolite with the staff here, because the wait times are always excruciatingly long. Today was no different, but I decided to be kind instead of angry, to relish in one-on-one time with my baby daughter and to enjoy a little of the quiet time I always seem to need. And because I’ve lost my voice and can barely speak above a whisper, I loved the break in mothering and disciplining. Kindness was my gift of gratitude.

And kindness goes a long way.

All I asked was that someone check her temperature when possible, and immediately it was done (and it was 101.2°F). The nurse was also nice enough to check her height (41 inches) and weight (38 pounds), give her Tylenol and swab her throat for strep. This significantly sped up our wait time.

During hour three, we were finally rescued from the sub-tropical temperature of the waiting room and whisked down the corridor to wait in chilly exam room 12. Jenna wanted a few more minutes of cradling and cuddling, then she emerged from her feverish fog wanting to read books (and asking if it was dark outside yet). In fact, we read each of the books we brought. And once I had read those to her in my whisper of a voice, she wanted to play with Barbie dolls.

At Christmas she received her very first Barbie. I played with Barbie dolls until high school, so her request for one excited me. Hours three and four brought Jenna’s imaginative play into our day.

First Ballerina Barbie dazzled Tattoo Barbie (which was Jaiden’s favorite Christmas gift) with her amazingly robotic and spastic, not at all graceful, dancing, then they all took a drive.

First, Ballerina Barbie had the distinct pleasure of being driven to Jenna’s House, then they picked up Tattoo Barbie for a drive to The Doctor. I have always said Jenna is a nurturer and it always comes out when she plays; at home her baby dolls have circle time and hold Christmas programs and today she made sure to buckle the Barbies in and carefully close the car doors. And she made sound effects, clicking her tongue as she shut each door and as each seatbelt was fastened.

Witnessing your child’s imaginative play, soaking it up and reveling in the beginnings of the adult they will become is such a gift, a wonderfully personal gift.

Just after the drive, the physician’s assistant knocked and entered the room, then asked Jenna to take her place on the papered examination table. She was very apprehensive until he complimented her bunny and monkey temporary tattoos as well as her earrings (then he had a compliant friend). Her strep test, he said, was positive. He looked into her ears and listened to the sounds in her small chest and protruding belly. She was given a prescription for an antibiotic and we were finally on our way after four hours.

It was a wait that usually makes me restless, weary, impatient and frustrated, but this time I decided to find the gifts that those four hours offered: serenity, a rest for my voice, kindness, love of appreciation for my child, a glimpse of her personality and a prescription to make my baby daughter better in addition to the lessons I’m learning in 29 Gifts. It doesn’t seem so much of an inconvenience now.

I’ve been reading 29 Gifts for several weeks now and I find myself giving to others and finding gifts in ordinary, everyday life. I’m not at the point where I have committed to give my own 29 gifts, but I am using this as practice for when I do reach that point.

Kindness isn’t the only gift I gave today. My baby daughter is becoming more and more independent and exerting her control where she think she can. I don’t usually allow her to push the cart in stores, but today I gave her that gift.

(Here she was curious about the bananas, asking if there was candy inside. No dice, kid, just scrabble tiles.)

(She also asked if we needed sunglasses and after my “no” answer, she said we could just go buy Dora sunglasses instead, because she hated it when the sun was in her eyes.)

And I let her choose a snack I wouldn’t necessarily allow her to choose (Cheetos).

She had a wonderful time shopping and even took it a step further by insisting upon placing her bag in the front seat all by herself. These are gifts of happiness, of independence, of pride. And while they seem ordinary, they are abundant and meaningful when you’re three.

The gift I received today were far more poignant and just as meaningful.

For dinner tonight we had Mummy Dogs (which my son loved and you can read more about over on daylicious), watched Monsters vs. Aliens: Pumpkins from Space and decorated pumpkins. (more…)